The Power of Apologizing: What to do when you lose your sh*t in front of your kids

Let’s be honest—adulting is tough. Managing a relationship, caring for someone else, and raising children can sometimes feel overwhelming. So, if you lose control once in a while, know that it happens to the best of us. But the real question is: what do you do afterward?

If you grew up in a household like mine, you were probably taught to apologize—no matter what. Yet, as a child, you likely didn’t see your parents do it often, especially not towards you. This can make it difficult as an adult to admit guilt to a child. However, apologizing when we make mistakes is a crucial part of parenting.

A Moment of Regret

A few months ago, our dog was having ongoing digestive issues, which meant frequent messes, constant cleanups, and sleepless nights. One morning, I woke up to my partner and the boys (10 and 5yr old) already awake. As I walked into the room, they cheerfully greeted me with, “Your turn to clean up!”—followed by a few poop jokes.

I was not in the mood. At all. I snapped at my partner in front of the kids, saying some not-so-nice things. The boys, who had also made a couple of "funny" comments, took it personally. I then grabbed the dog, and stormed out for our morning walk.

Minutes later, I calmed down and realized I had overreacted. Yes, I had reasons—I was exhausted and worried—but they didn’t know that. At the end of the day, they’re kids, and poop jokes are a regular part of life at their age. Even my partner, who I expected to be more understanding, didn’t know my state of mind that morning.

Taking Responsibility

After my walk, the boys were out for a while running some errands, shopping etc. During this time my partner and I exchanged apologies, understood each other’s perspectives, and moved on via chat. But with my stepson, I knew I needed to have the conversation in person.

When they got home, I gave them space to settle in before knocking on his door.

“Hey,” I said gently. “I just wanted to apologize for my outburst this morning. I know you were just trying to lighten the mood, and I wasn’t in the headspace to receive it. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, and trust me, it wasn’t against you at all.”

He nodded and said, “It’s okay,” but I could tell he was still feeling off. So, I continued:

“The dog has been sick for a few weeks, and I’ve been really worried, which made me more sensitive. But I know you didn’t know that. And, as you know, I’m human too—I have stressful moments, just like you, just like Dad. We all do. But I wanted to make sure to talk to you and apologize.”

That opened the door for him to talk about the dog, and the conversation naturally flowed. Before stepping out, I checked in again: “Are we good?”

His response: “Yeah.” A little brighter this time.

Then I asked, “Want to play PlayStation later?”

His face lit up. We high-fived, shared a playful moment, and moved on with our day.

Teaching by Example

Since then, we’ve had other moments where I didn’t react perfectly (nothing like that day, but still not my best). And each time, I make it a point to repair things sooner. I apologize, and he’s learning to do the same. I’ve noticed his way of making amends with me: after some time, he’ll come ask me about random things, offer help or find other little ways to reconnect.

Over the past year, I’ve seen how consistency in our actions creates habits in our children. I want “being a decent human” to be one of those habits. I want them to feel safe making mistakes, owning up to them, and apologizing.

For me, this is hard work. I grew up experiencing shame and punishment for mistakes, so admitting them has always been difficult. But now, as I have 2 sets of eyes and growing minds watching my every step, I know I have to do this work—so I can show them a healthier way.

Why Apologizing Matters

I know you want to seem perfect to your child—you want to be their superhero. But if they grow up believing you were always perfect, they may struggle when they realize they can’t be.

Messing up in front of our children is not just okay—it’s valuable. It shows them we’re human. It teaches them that mistakes happen, but what matters is taking responsibility and making things right. When we apologize, we build trust. Our kids learn they can come to us when they make mistakes, too.

If you, like me, sometimes struggle with patience and want to learn how to repair those moments, I’ve got something for you. Download my free guide, “10 Steps to Empowered Conversations,” and start exploring how to navigate difficult conversations with your child (or partner) in a meaningful way.

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